


a group chat i wrote in about 20 minutes i think

by CameronFaneron



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Everyone Is Alive, Group chat, Kinda, Losers Club (IT) Group Chat, Multi, Unreliable Narrator, richie sucks at kosher, stan is a grammar nazi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CameronFaneron/pseuds/CameronFaneron
Summary: the title is a summary
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough & Eddie Kaspbrak, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris, The Losers Club & The Losers Club (IT), The Losers Club (IT) & The Party (Stranger Things)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 146





	1. Ok richie

Trashmouth: hey yall :)

Stanley: No matter how many times you say it, “y’all” is still not a real word.

spaghetti: lol yeah rich get it right

Farmboy: The wild west just called

Farmboy: They want their overused-fake-word back

jaunary embers: guys,,

jaunary embers: richie legit said two words

jaunary embers: and you guys are just attacking him

Big Bill: Haha take that L rich

Benny: Somebody get Richie a dictionary haha

Trashmouth: wow rude

Trashmouth: y’all’d’ve better watch yourself before you get s m e ck ed

spaghetti: wtf is a y’all’d’ve???

Benny: “You all would have”??

Trashmouth: did i stutter bithc

  
Stanley: *bitch

Stanley: You’re a menace, Trashmouth.

Trashmouth: why r u attacking me

Trashmouth: thats no way to talk to your future father staniel

Trashmouth: your mom wouldnt like it

Stanley: God, you’re insufferable.

Trashmouth: rude

Trashmouth: just like your mum in bed ;))

jaunary embers: ohmygod somebody get me a ducking inhaler

spaghetti: bev are you ok??? do you actually need an inhaler???? 

spaghetti: try to take deep bretbs in and out ill be over soon

Stanley: *breaths

jaunary embers: eddie chill the duck out

Benny: Duck

Farmboy: Duck

Big Bill: duck

Stanley: Duck.

Trashmouth: duck

spaghetti: yall are so chaotic

Trashmouth: hE

Trashmouth: did hEjust hE

spaghetti: shush while you're ahead, bitch

Big Bill: eddie do you know what you just did

spaghetti: im well aware

Stanley: Eddie…

Trashmouth: Y

Trashmouth: A

Trashmouth: L

Benny: F

Trashmouth: L

Trashmouth: wha

Trashmouth: aight imma head out

jaunary embers: oml yalfl

Big Bill: ben I can’t promise that I won’t die for you

Big Bill: yalfl

spaghetti: yalfl

Farmboy: yalfl

Farmboy: Come on Stan join us

Big Bill: yeah Stan this is gr8

Stanley: …?

Trashmouth: stan pls

Trashmouth: arent we bffs?

Stanley: … 

Trashmouth: stan pls ily

Stanley: … 

Stanley: Use capitals you fucking heathen.

Stanley: Yalfl.

Trashmouth: stan… no… 

Benny: I’m so sorry Riche I-

jaunary embers: omfg he really did it

Big Bill: stanley uris the mvp

spaghetti: wow i genuinely didn't expect stan to do that

Trashmouth: guys

Trashmouth: im cryin in the club rn

Trashmouth: this is so sad alexa play despacito

spaghetti: dude that’s so old 

Farmboy: Get a hold of yourself Trashmouth 

jaunary embers: guys richie is probs heartbroken rn give him a break

Trashmouth: bev tysm i am in love with you

jaunary embers: as you should be

Farmboy: Richie is such a charmer

Stanley: Top ten sentences never said before.

Farmboy: Geez Stan

Trashmouth: geez stan

jaunary embers: geez stan

spaghetti: geez stan

Farmboy: Stan I’m sorry

Stanley: I don’t quite believe you.

Big Bill: hey guys georgie says hi

Stanley: Hello, Georgie!

jaunary embers: oh shoot

jaunary embers: tell him i said hello ^.^

Trashmouth: ohmygod g e o r g i e

Trashmouth: my absolute favorite

Stanley: Ouch.

spaghetti: hi georgie!! tell him to stay safe when he starts school

spaghetti: and to avoid anyone that coughs, sneezes, wheezes, and/or screams uncontrollably 

spaghetti: and to alert a teacher if anyone throws up, collapses, starts foaming at the mouth, or starts shaking :)

spaghetti: and if anyine asks for sex, tell him to refuse and offer another activity. like coloring or smth

spaghetti: dont want him getting aids 

Big Bill: I absolutely will not tell him that

Trashmouth: i thought only girls could get aids from sex???

Trashmouth: because they dont have a dick??

spaghetti: richie you are this close to getting excommunicated

Benny: Please tell him I said hi!

Farmboy: Same here 

Farmboy: Tell him to come over to the farm sometime

Farmboy: It gets kinda lonely here :”)

Trashmouth: wow if you were so lonely you couldve just called me mikey ;) xoxo

Farmboy: Shut up Richie 

Benny: Wow rich

jaunary embers: oo the trashmouth strikes again

Big Bill: hey guys georgie wants all of us to hang out with him

jaunary embers: yes of course!!!! <33

Stanley: I’d love to.

Trashmouth: anything for my little georgie :)

spaghetti: yessssssss

Trashmouth: i think its time™ 

Trashmouth: time™ for georgie to see the clubhouse

Big Bill: ok whatever

Trashmouth: billy

Trashmouth: this is a monumentous moment

Stanley: Not a real word.

Trashmouth: one day he’ll have his own losers

Trashmouth: And he will use our clubhouse :))

spaghetti: that’s actually not a bad idea

Big Bill: i mean

Big Bill: yeah

Big Bill: lets do it

jaunary embers: stan do you have another shower cap for georgie??

Stanley: Always.

Trashmouth: stan

Trashmouth: nobody is afraid of spiders here

Trashmouth: not even georgie

jaunary embers: i am

Benny: I am

Big Bill: i am

Stanley: I am

Big Bill: georgie said he’s scared of spiders

Farmboy: I’m not afraid, but I hate them

spaghetti: who cares about spiders????

jaunary embers: says the hypochondriac 

spaghetti: thanks bev

Trashmouth: at least me abd eds arent pussies

Stanley: *and

Stanley: *Eds and I

Trashmouth: fuck off uris

Stanley: Rude.


	2. Bev smokes weed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More losers being stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like yeah just children being dumb and gay
> 
> Its prettY funky fresh

trashmouth: ive learned from my previous mistakes and have become a better man now

trashmouth: hello everyone

Stanley: Wow.

trashmouth: are you proud of me stanny ?? uwu

Stanley: Any feelings I may have had before have been washed into the dank and musty sewers of Derry, never to be seen by human eyes ever again.

trashmouth: ???

trashmouth: when did this happen

Farmboy: Are you ok Stan?

Benny: That very much took a turn

Stanley: I will never be the same.

Benny: … 

Farmboy: … 

trashmouth: … the way you text makes me feel like your not joking?? but i honestly cant tell because you type like eds mom

spaghetti: wow dickwad

Stanley: *you’re

Stanley: *Eds’s

january embers: hey hey hey my duderssssss

trashmouth: bev did you get high ?!?!

trashmouth: without poor ol’ me???

january embers: come overrr hereeeeeeee richieeeeee

trashmouth: hell yeah

trashmouth: clubhouse????

january embers: mhmmm

trashmouth: omw 

spaghetti: no??

spaghetti: don't smoke???

spaghetti: please????

Farmboy: They’re probably going to stink up the clubhouse

Benny: Please noo

Benny: I spent a lot of time building itt

Big Bill: and its a gr8 clubhouse ben

Big Bill: theyre fucking disrespectful thats all

Farmboy: Wow so rude

Farmboy: Aren’t you in a relationship Bev?

Big Bill: nO

Big Bill: nOpE

Farmboy: Oh well ok

january embers: guyyssssse

january embers: why isntd richardss herereere

january embers: hesr takingg forver 

spaghetti: its been five minutes

trashmouth: guyshdjfb

Benny: Oh

Farmboy: Huh

Big Bill: he lives

trashmouth: stan is laughing what the actual fuck

trashmouth: hes about to fall out of his window

january embers: lmoa

Benny: Why??

Farmboy: Oh my god

Benny: Did you do something?

Big Bill: rich probably faceplanted

spaghetti: he always does

spaghetti: so fuckin clumsy…

trashmouth: i dont like that tone young man

spaghetti: the fuck? we’re texting there is NO tone

trashmouth: irrelevant

trashmouth: stans laughing bevause i ducking fell off my ducking bike

trashmouth: so ducking mean :”((

Stanley: YOu should

Stanley: Have seen him

Stanley: He fucking

Stanley: Flew

Stanley: Outside my house.

january embers: omfgggg

trashmouth: i fucking bleeding out on the ground you bitch help me

trashmouth: i need like

trashmouth: a ducking towel fornmy knee

spaghetti: send a pic of your knee!!!

trashmouth: anything for you spaghetti man ;))

spaghetti: bitch

(trashmouth sent a photo)

spaghetti: oh shit

spaghetti: stan get yourself together and grab a goddman first aid kit

spaghetti: do you need me to come oevr???

spaghetti: i totally will

spaghetti: shit theres so much goddamn bacteria

spaghetti: thats a huge gash dude!!!

trashmouth: wow the last tine someone was this worried abt me was when your mom sat on me

Farmboy: Beep Beep, Richie

trashmouth: my good eds im fine hon

spaghetti: don't call me that

trashmouth: staniel the maniel™ has come to save the day kinda

(trashmouth sent a photo)

spaghetti: oh

spaghetti: ok

Benny: Are those tears??

Benny: How dumb did you look falling???

Big Bill: stan is quite actually sobbing from laughter

Benny: Stan has such a cute laughing face uwu

Big Bill: I agree

january embers: awwwwwwww bb ben youer so cuteeee

spaghetti: please stop smoking the clubhouse is gonna stink

Farmboy: Are you ok Richie?

trashmouth: yes but actually no

trashmouth: stans tears of absolute joy and ecstacy are falling onto my cut

Big Bill: jesus christ richie

Big Bill: that must’ve been quite a fall

(trashmouth sent a photo)

trashmouth: #selfiewiththemanofmydreams

Big Bill: he's not laughing but he’s still cute lol

spaghetti: i see you’ve given up on my mom

spaghetti: thank god

trashmouth: oh eds you silky boy

trashmouth: your mom is ill ever need

spaghetti: silky

january embers: silky

Big Bill: silky

Benny: Silky

Farmboy: Silky

Stanley: Silky.

trashmouth: duck

trashmouth: bev im glad youre sober enough to make fun of me

january embers: llolololollololollooplol

trashmouth: ok im continuing my valiant bike

Stanley: *I’m

trashmouth: fuck off uris

trashmouth: ttfn

Farmboy: “ttfn”?? What???

Benny: It’s “ta-ta for now”.

Big Bill: ah

Big Bill: richie appears to be cultured I guess

spaghetti: of course

spaghetti: richard elizabeth tozier. the epitome of culture

Farmboy: Elizabeth

spaghetti: i shit you not his middle-ass-name is elizabeth 

Stanley: What the hell.

Stanley: How do you guys not know this?

Farmboy: Not all of us have been BFFs since our fetus age

Big Bill: oh shit wait

Big Bill: what is everyone's middle name??

Stanley: Fuck you.

Stanley: No, wait.

Benny: Stan Fuck You Uris?

Stanley: That’s not my middle name!

Big Bill: honestly I wouldn't doubt it haha

Farmboy: Such a fitting name for Stan

Stanley: Shit.

Stanley: My middle name is Wyatt.

Big Bill: I like Wyatt

Farmboy: Mine is Chosen.

Benny: holy cow that's a cool name

Benny: Michael Chosen Hanlon

Benny: Mine is Jeremy

january embers: sophia bitch

Farmboy: Beverly Sophia Bitch Marsh

Big Bill: uhhh

Big Bill: Jaeden is mine

Stanley: I like that.

Stanley: William Jaeden Denbrough.

Stanley: :)

Big Bill: oh haha thanks man haha

trashmouth: holy shit stan used an eMOTICON

Stan: Fuck off, Tozier.

trashmouth: fuck off uris

Benny: Eddie what about you??

spaghetti: oh 

spaghetti: mine is fucking cooler than all of yours

january embers: Edward Fucking-Cooler-Than-All-Of-Yours Kaspbrak 

spaghetti: no

spaghetti: mine is Jack

Farmboy: Shit your name is actually pretty cool too

spaghetti: Edward Jack Kaspbrak??

Farmboy: Yeah why not

trashmouth: i made it to the clubhouse

trashmouth: and eddie fuck you my middle name is fucking finn

trashmouth: Richard Finn Tozier

Stanley: 1) Richie actually used correct capitalization. I might cry again. This is a beautiful moment. Richie, you are now amazing.

Stanley: 2) That's not what your birth certificate says. 

trashmouth: 1) ty stan ily stan let me kiss you

trashmouth: 2) bitch

Stanley: 1) Gross. Go away.

Stanley: 2) Rude. 

Farmboy: Wait so then what is his middle name??

trashmouth: thabk you for asking mikey

Stanley: *Thank

trashmouth: bitch

spaghetti: i don't trust richie to tell the story so i will

trashmouth: bITCH

trashmouth: bev im here get me a joint

january embers: sir yes sir

spaghetti: so his mom gave birth to richie and she wanted gurl rlly bad so she named him richard fucking elizabeth tozier

spaghetti: she regrets it now she tell everyone that its actually Finn

spaghetti: and it is actually Finn

spaghetti: but it's forever imprinted as Elizabeth ;)

trashmouth: spaghetti you dick i was gonna say that exact thing

spaghetti: bet

trashmouth: bet

spaghetti: bet

trashmouth: bet

spaghetti: bet

trashmouth: bet

spaghetti: bET

Benny: Calm down children

Benny: Elizabeth go smoke your weed with Bevvy

trashmouth: ducking fine

trashmouth: :(( 

january embers: get over here rich i wanna photo

trashmouth: ok

(january embers sent a photo)

january embers: hell yeah

spaghetti: cute ig

trashmouth: am i cute kaspbrak? ;)

spaghetti: hell naw i was talking about the nudes your sister just sent me

trashmouth: fuck you bro

Benny: Bev you look nice today :)

Benny: So do you rich

january embers: thank youuuuu uwu

trashmouth: wow ive been validated

Stanley: Use apostrophes, you goddamn feral beast.

trashmouth: fuck nevermind then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk their actual middle names so i used their “2017 It” actors’ first names


	3. Richie is oddly gay and bill panics a bit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike gets off a good one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean it could be gayer

trashmouth: hello my fellow fuckers

january embers: oi

january embers: ben, bill, and mike are NOT fuckers

Benny: uwu thanks bev

trashmouth: god i can never satisfy you bitches

trashmouth: however 

trashmouth: i can satisfy you

trashmouth: differently ;)

spaghetti: bEEP beep tOZIER

trashmouth: cmon i havent even made a youre mom joke yet!!!!

spaghetti: *your

Farmboy: *your

Benny: *your

january embers: *your

Big Bill: *your

Stanley: Thank you.

Stanley: I have taught you well.

january embers: we’re making fun of you stanley

Stanley: Oh. Shit.

Stanley: Fuck you.

Big Bill: i wasnt making fun of you i was makin fun of richard

Benny: Same here :/

Stanley: Oh, whoops.

trashmouth: its ok staniel

trashmouth: there are pressing matters than your need to correct my grammar

Big Bill: ok what did you do this time Trashmouth

spaghetti: please tell me that you got lung cancer from the pack of cigs you smoke every fuckin day

trashmouth: i-

Benny: Did you kill somebody?

trashmouth: b e n j a m i n

Benny: Just a thought!! :)

Farmboy: Did you get attacked by a killer clown that lives in the sewers of derry that feeds on your own worst fears? Did you get attacked by a clown that eats small children and makes you forget about it once you leave the town?

trashmouth: uh

trashmouth: not exactly

Big Bill: what the hell does that mean??

Stanley: Yeah. What the fuck?

trashmouth: i got a job at iur universities radio??

trashmouth: im the radio host??

  
trashmouth: ill be there from 7- 4:30 am hosting and playin musics and stuffs

trashmouth: saying things, blah blah, funny funny, commentary,

trashmouth: boring shit, really

Stanley: *I’m

Stanley: *our

Stanley: *I

trashmouth: fuck offfffffdf

january embers: congrats richie!!

Big Bill: actually richie might be a good radio host

spaghetti: oh lord get ready for the ducking dad jokes 

Farmboy: 👏👏👏

Benny: Good job! :D I’m so proud of you! You're gonna do awesome.

trashmouth: awww you think so benny?? you really think so???

Benny: Of course ! ^ .^

Benny: You can actually be funny sometimes Rich

trashmouth: …

trashmouth: ben

trashmouth: you may not understand this

trashmouth: but youre a goddamn saint and i will die for you

trashmouth: ily come over here and give papa a kiss

Big Bill: eugh beep beep

trashmouth: you should be named ben handsome because you are handsome, inside and out

trashmouth: youre a ducking nerd and you actually enjoy a fucking libraries

trashmouth: but youre OUR ducking nerd that enjoys libraries

Benny: !!!!

Benny: dnjdjdskeofjdiissne

january embers: dude you’re embarrassing him stoppp

january embers: even though everything you just said was true

spaghetti: wow rich i didn't know you could actually be kind to any of us

trashmouth: dont get me started on you, eddie my love ;)

spaghetti: what

trashmouth: youre so cute my darling 

trashmouth: i could just pinch your cute little cheeks and smooch them all day

trashmouth: if you’d let me, we would cuddle together by a fire place, you tucked beneath my arm while we rest under a blanket. i would whisper sweet nothings into your ear spaghetti

  
spaghetti: ... 

trashmouth: haha jkjk.....unless........

spaghetti: hwat

spaghetti: bEEP BEEEEEP

trashmouth: ??

trashmouth: why????

trashmouth: what did i do wronggggg

spaghetti: beeP

trashmouth: eds

spaghetti: bEEP

Big Bill: eddie chill the duck out

spaghetti: fuvk

trashmouth: ???

Stanley: LOL

spaghetti: so much oxytocin in my brain

trashmouth: what the hell is an oxytocin??????

Big Bill: eddie is going insane if he's using terms from his biology major

january embers: richard calm down

january embers: eddie tone it the hell down

* * *

(Big Bill has made a private DM with spaghetti)

Big Bill: eddie you’re being really gay today

spaghetti: fuccccckkk

spaghetti: i have no choice

spaghetti: i wsnt richie to cuddle me

spaghetti: i NEED richie to cuddle me

spaghetti: fuck im rlly gay bleh

Big Bill: jesus christ just ask him out 

spaghetti: have you asked out stan??

Big Bill: touché, goddamnit

* * *

spaghetti: oop

trashmouth: irrelevant but talking tom has officially died from an overdose

Farmboy: What

Big Bill: the

spaghetti: fuck?

Stanley: The weird anthropomorphic cat thing that georgie was fan of 2-3 years ago?

Big Bill: wow you remember :)

Stanley: It was very annoying.

Stanley: I wanted to talk and hang out with you, not a fucking furry app.

Big Bill: o h

Stanley: Hang out with you and Georgie, I mean.

Big Bill: h

Big Bill: yeah of course haha

trashmouth: lmfao

* * *

  
(trashmouth has made a private DM with Stanley)

Stanley: Shit.

trashmouth: shit indeed

* * *

trashmouth: back to my point

trashmouth: talking tom has died of a fucking heroine overdose

trashmouth: he is dead

trashmouth: gone

trashmouth: deceased

spaghetti: how could he die he wasnt fucking real

trashmouth: e d s

trashmouth: he was VERY real

trashmouth: in my heart , and many other talking tom fans’ heart, he was real.

Stanley: That was good grammar, Rich.

trashmouth: shit really im a goddamn genius

Stanley: I wouldn’t go that far.

trashmouth: oUCh

Farmboy: Talking Tom was a decent franchise

Farmboy: I liked the noises he made when I poked his crotch

Big Bill: … 

Benny: ????

trashmouth: hhhhh

Farmboy: Wait

Farmboy: I-

january embers: damn mike

Stanley: Ah.

spaghetti: thats ducking disgusting

Farmboy: Nooooooo

Farmboy: Not what I meant at ALL

trashmouth: mike rlly out here

Farmboy: Oh shut up trash mouth 

Farmboy: like you’ve actually touched someone private parts for real

trashmouth: ooOOOOOH

trashmouth: mikey hanlon

spaghetti: gets off a good one

january embers: gets off a good one

Big Bill: gets off a good one

Benny: gets off a good one

Farmboy: gets off a good one

Stanley: -gets off a good one.

trashmouth: awww you guys know me so well i love it

spaghetti: maybe too well

trashmouth: oh eds theres a whole ‘nother side of me youve never seen before baby;)

trashmouth: wanna take a peek ? ;)

spaghetti: holyshit beEP BEEP

trashmouth: ok i deserved that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow 3 in three days im feelin godly


	4. Georgie Takes Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says all ;)
> 
> Georgie is just a polite diet-richie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp ig it be like that?

trashmouth: hey losers hows it hanging 

Big Bill: hey chee

trashmouth: g a s p

trashmouth: only one person calls me chee

trashmouth: georgie my beautiful boy is that you??

Big Bill: lol ye ^ .^

trashmouth: ohmygosh this must be a miracle

trashmouth: wait are you using your brothers phone??

Big Bill: i stole it >:) 

Big Bill: bubuh is asleep >:))

trashmouth: what an evil thirteen year old you are

trashmouth: im so proud of you

january embers: georgie!! hi!!

Big Bill: hi bevvy

january embers: oh my goodness how are you 

Big Bill: im fine thank you for asking 

Big Bill: how are you?

january embers: im doing so much better now that you're here! thank you so much for asking!!

Big Bill: of course ^.^

Benny: You’re very polite Georgie :)

Big Bill: hello benny

Big Bill: thank you

trashmouth: wow guys thanks for stealing my spotlight

spaghetti: hey georgie are you safe at school??

Big Bill: hey spaghetti 

Big Bill: yes I’m safe thanks for asking

spaghetti: ok good :)

trashmouth: how come georgie can call you spaghetti but i cant?????

spaghetti: bc georgie is cuter than you and not annoying

Big Bill: i am pretty cute tbh

trashmouth: fair enough ig

trashmouth: but you never said i wasnt cute ;))

spaghetti: god you're such a loser

trashmouth: hes not denying it!!

Big Bill: lol chee you're so weird

Farmboy: Hey George!!

Farmboy: Oof can we get an F in the chat for Richie 

Big Bill: hello mikey

Big Bill: F

spaghetti: F

january embers: F

Bennyny: F

Farmboy: F

Stanley: F.

trashmouth: wow even georgie said f

trashmouth: you fit right in :”)

Stanley: Hey, Georgie!

Big Bill: hey staniel the maniel

Stanley: Oh no, he’s learning from Richie.

Big Bill: >;)

trashmouth: >;)

Benny: Top 10 Deadliest Anime Duos

trashmouth: you know it

Stanley: Anyways.

Stanley: How are you doing with grades? Not to nag or anything.

Big Bill: well :))

Big Bill: ill have you know :))

Big Bill: i am a straight-A student :)

trashmouth: whOOP!! 🙌🙌

Farmboy: Great job!

Benny: That’s awesome :D

Stanley: I’m very proud of you. 

trashmouth: staniel wishes he could say the same but hes rlly struggling through senior year of hs

trashmouth: right stanny?? ;)

Stanley: IT WAS ONE “B” RICHARD.

trashmouth: always gets him riled up :)

Stanley: FUCKING BITCH-ASS STRAIGHT-A PRIVILEGED ASSHOLE.

trashmouth: stan your language >;)

Stanley: I-

Big Bill: yeah staniel >;)

Big Bill: bubuh won't be very happy >;)

Stanley: I’m so sorry, Bill.

Benny: How does Richie tend to get Stan so angry? :P

january embers: a n y w a y s

january embers: are you making good friends at school georgie?

Big Bill: yes!!

Big Bill: i have one best friend and her name is holly wheeler but i call her missy :)

Big Bill: she's in sixth grade ^ .^

trashmouth: aww are you guys dating

spaghetti: richard tozier

trashmouth: what???

Big Bill: god no chee we’re best friends 

january embers: ooo cute name! why do you call her that?

Big Bill: because she's the woman i want to marry.

january embers: i-

Stanley: Wow.

Benny: I mean-

Big Bill: lol jkjk

Big Bill: fr fr its bc she's super short ngl and when we met i called her little missy

Big Bill: there was also molly ringwald bc for a while she had red hair haha

Big Bill: she also smacks me because i make jokes about screwin her sister lolz

Benny: Richie I-

spaghetti: holy freaking crap

Stanley: Thats… wow…

Farmboy: Rich?

january embers: richie youre a terrible influence

Big Bill: but i didn't even get that from chee

Big Bill: it was natural

spaghetti: b e t

trashmouth: heyf

trashmouth: sorry i was crying tears of joy

spaghetti: omfg bill is going to kill you richard

trashmouth: im well aware :”)

spaghetti: no i hope you understand richie you are not going to live past 21

trashmouth: at least i had a happy 21 years with your mom :”)))

spaghetti: youre not going to live past 20 if you keep that up

Big Bill: hey spaghetti dont kill him

trashmouth: awwww thanks georgie come here let me hug you

spaghetti: no promises

Stanley: I can see it now. “Richard Elizabeth Tozier, found dead in the Derry Quarry at only 19 years old.”

january embers: ~_~ rip trashmouth

Benny: L

Farmboy: Oof L

Big Bill: cmon guys don't bully him >:((

trashmouth: omg georgie youre perfect :”)

Big Bill: besides she's not any better

Big Bill: she calls me an idiot and georgethan and smacks me when I don't wear sweaters to school

Big Bill: smth about sicknesses smh

spaghetti: my kind of gal :)

spaghetti: i approve 👍

Benny: That's adorable uwu

Big Bill: yeah and she also has a brother and a sister 

Big Bill: mike and Nala i think

Big Bill: mikes rlly fun and bubuh thinks hes cool soo

Stanley: Sorry to interrupt, but why do you still call Bill “Bubuh”?

Big Bill: oh yeah

Big Bill: he’d actually murder me if i called him anything other than bubuh

Big Bill: ohno bubuhisawake hhhg

trashmouth: g a s p

trashmouth: georgie nOOOOO

spaghetti: rip

Farmboy: rip

Benny: rip

january embers: rip

Stanley: RIP.

Big Bill: richard elizabeth finn tozier

trashmouth: no bill imsosorry

Big Bill: you're such a BAD INFLUENCE YOU BITCH

  
Richie: wait what abt stan he cuRSED

Bill: don't even try to put blame on him

Stanley: LOL.

trashmouth: bill pls have mercyyy

Big Bill: im comin over RIGHT NOW get your ass OUT OF BED I KNOW YOURE LAYING DOWN LAUGHING YOUR FUCKING ASS OFF

trashmouth: bill pls im sORRY

trashmouth: well im rlly not sorry but pLS

* * *

  
Richie cackled wildly and loudly. With his roommate, Dustin, being MIA, he could be as loud as he pleased. He sat up in bed, the object itself groaning in response. There way no way Bill would come over anyway. Maybe he would. If he did Richie would collapse from laughter. 

Clicking of of WhatsApp, Richie grabbed his laptop and continued a dumb project for Child Development. 

He had been working for about ten minutes when there was an angry knock from downstairs. 

Richie blanched. That couldn't be Bill. The idea was impossible, so Richie narrowed it down his roommate losing his keys again. 

The pounding on his door continued, and Richie shot out of bed. No way.

He crept toward the door, grabbing hairspray on the way there. 

And slowly, he unlocked the door and opened it wide.

“ _RICHARD ELIZABETH TOZIER HOW DARE YOU!_ ”

Richie screamed as Bill stood heaving at the door, squeezing an embarrassed Georgie’s hand. It would’ve been funny if Richie wasn’t absolutely terrified.

“What kind of inappropriate _BS_ have you been putting in my brothers brain-“

Bill yelped as Richie, who was still screaming, shakily brought the hairspray up and sprayed Bill’s eyes.

Georgie got a good giggle when Bill was standing under the sink, grumbling and washing out his burning red eyeballs. Rumor has it that Richie is still apologizing to this day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It rlly do be like that fam


	5. Eddie hosts a Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry no georgie

trashmouth: hey hey hey

Stanley: “Hey” yourself.

trashmouth: staniel!! my bff

Stanley: Don’t you forget it, Asshole.

trashmouth: your nicknames are so cute <333

Stanley: Yup.

trashmouth: btw stan im at your door open the fuck up

Stanley: What the hell? Okay.

Big Bill: you all text so fuckin early

Big Bill: and rich why are you at stans rn??

spaghetti: guys I’m so fuckin sad

trashmouth: no youre not

trashmouth: does my poor eddie weddie need a huggie wuggie ?? :”)

Stanley: You cant hug him.

trashmouth: and why the fuck not ? >:(( 

Stanley: Because you’re at my house, dipshit.

trashmouth: that cant stop me bicth  
  


spaghetti: shut up trashmouth

spaghetti: anyways, I'm sad because of fucking Gregory 

spaghetti: he’s dead

Stanley: Gregory?

Farmboy: Hey guys

Big Bill: howdy

trashmouth: h o w d y

trashmouth: who is gregory???

spaghetti: my goddamn betta 

spaghetti: he was my one true love and he’s fucking gone

Benny: You had a betta??

january embers: fuck im sad now

january embers: hey benny :)

Benny: Hey :)

trashmouth: guys stan is dead

trashmouth: hi bev uwu

january embers: sup trashmouth

Big Bill: why is stan dead??

trashmouth: you

trashmouth: your howdy ficking killed him

january embers: fick

Farmboy: fick

Benny: fick

trashmouth: nO

Big Bill: Oml send a pic or smth

spaghetti: my fish thooo

spaghetti: mourn him, fuckers

january embers: oh shit yeah

january embers: a moment of silence please

january embers: for gregory kaspbrak, the betta

Benny: …

Farmboy: …

Big Bill: …

spaghetti: …

january embers: thank you for your time

january embers: anybody want to give a eulogy?

Farmboy: I will

spaghetti: thanks mike :)

(spaghetti sent an image)

Farmboy: RIP gregory, the beautiful blue betta with teal stripes :”(

Farmboy: He was a friend, a hard worker, a son, and a lover

Farmboy: He had a loving husband and six friends he has never met before

Farmboy: Yet, despite being strangers, we all loved him dearly

Benny: I'm actually going to start crying guys 

spaghetti: you and me both ben :”(

Farmboy: He started as a poor egg in an aquarium, freshly born and fed and loved by his breeder

Farmboy: He was then shipped off to live with who he didn't know was going to be his future husband

Farmboy: They lived happily together

Farmboy: But sadly, all good things must come to an end

Farmboy: One fateful day, asleep or awake, he entered a beautiful and colorful coral reef with a glimmering light on the other side

Farmboy: The light called and beckoned for him to come closer

Farmboy: It takes a strong fish and a lot of courage to swim to the end of that reef

Farmboy: Rest in Peace, gregory

  
spaghetti: i remember one summer, when i wasnt feeling my best, gregory swam around in his tank so happily

spaghetti: he would press his face against that glass bowl like he was trying to hug me

spaghetti:he may be gone from this world, but he wont ever leave my heart :”))

Farmboy: May the waves carry you to a happy home with lovely interior decorating, Gregory. Amen

spaghetti: :”( amen :”(

january embers: amen, i love you gregory :”(

Big Bill: amen. to gregory, a faithful member of the losers

january embers: TO GREGORY

Farmboy: To GREGORY

spaghetti: TO GREGORY :”((((((

Benny: Guys…

(Benny sent an image)

january embers: are those tears??

january embers: oh my poor ben

Farmboy: Oh my god ben are you ok??

Big Bill: wow :”(

spaghetti: shit ben im sorry

Benny: I’m seriously sensitive and Mike gives good eulogies :”(

Benny: And eds’s story made me sad

Benny: I’m fine tho lol

Farmboy: Haha im sorry :)

spaghetti: thank you for honoring gregory guys :”))

january embers: ofc hes a cute piece of betta fish :))

spaghetti: hell yeah he was

Stanley: Fuck, amen.

Stanley: To Gregory!

Stanley: I’m back.

Big Bill: yo stan!

Stanley: Yo. :)

(trashmouth sent a video)

trashmouth: oh shit aMEN

trashmouth: TO GREGORY

trashmouth: that was a damn good eulogy

january embers: oml the viDEO

spaghetti: “stan? can you breathe?!?! are you BREATHING?!??”

spaghetti: “fuCK YOU RICHIE”

spaghetti: - richie and stan 2k20

Stanley: What the fuck.

Benny: Oh my god hahaha

Farmboy: Lmao stan laughing is peak comedy

Big Bill: its peak cuteness man

Big Bill: he's got a snort laugh ok

Big Bill: snort laughs are ficking adorable

Stanley: wow you really think it’s cute?

trashmouth: grammar????

trashmouth: punctuation????

trashmouth: capitals????

trashmouth: their gone?!!,

Stanley: *they’re

trashmouth: fick i swear i typed theyre

Stanley: How did you know I was missing punctuation?

trashmouth: you used an interjection, bitch

january embers: wow the trashmouth knows what an interjection is?? shocking

trashmouth: fuck off i had straight ass A’s

Stanley: I dare you to type a sentence with proper grammar

trashmouth: i cant

trashmouth: i have a reputation

trashmouth: But I will, just for you, Stanny.

trashmouth: Well, you and Eddie’s Mom.

trashmouth: If she would come over tonight and let me have a piece of that… 

trashmouth: God, I just can’t help myself around the Kaspbrak family.

spaghetti: what the actual fick

spaghetti: beep beep dickwad

Big Bill: the whole entire kaspbrak family??

trashmouth: Yup.

trashmouth: Eddie has to watch his sweet, pretty behind around me.

trashmouth: ok too much work im done

Stanley: 1) I can die happy now,that was amazing grammar

Stanley: 2) Beep beep, Richard.

spaghetti: gah

spaghetti: ???

spaghetti: he really wow

spaghetti: b eep be e p

january embers: me thinks eddie is broken

Benny: I can only handle one funeral a day people

Benny: Don't kill Eddie please :”)

trashmouth: no promises benjamin

Big Bill: oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of the twins
> 
> The twins are comin soon


	6. Richie is a Dirty Cheater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey long time no see :))
> 
> So i have 0 end goal for this so just enjoy the sick bants

trashmouth: what if i was just gay brah

trashmouth: what if i was just,,, a rlly big homo dude

Farmboy: Okay, but

Farmboy: You told us, like, 737848383 years ago

trashmouth: but,,, what if??? owo

trashmouth: hahaha,,, jkjkjk,,,, unless???

Farmboy: What? Are you ok??

trashmouth: since you're here mikey, i feel amazing B;)

Farmboy: Are those sunglasses??

trashmouth: yuppers ^ 3^

Farmboy: I mean

Farmboy: Okay???

trashmouth: youre so sexy when youre confused michael <3 

trashmouth: its a shame that im so dedicated to eds’s mom úwù

Farmboy: I mean

Farmboy: Shes probably gonna die soon so… ;)

trashmouth: fnjejccdnsi

trashmouth: michael hanlon i am sw o on i n g

Big Bill: mike…. I thought we had something…

Farmboy: Wait, Bill, baby, I’m sorry

Big Bill: dont “baby” me, michael

trashmouth: wow michael, i didn't know i was in love with a cheater :(

Farmboy: How did this go so wrong so quickly

Benny: You cant say anything, Richard

Farmboy: Ben?

Big Bill: ben?

Benny: How can you explain, Richard?

trashmouth: what???

Benny: Don’t act like you don’t know…

Benny: the past two years

Benny: Our dates, long walks on the beach…

Benny: Our child. Stanley Uris

Stanley: What.

trashmouth: ...shit… 

Farmboy: Wow, Richie.

Big Bill: youre not off the hook yet you cheating bastard 

Farmboy: Shite

spaghetti: actually, richard, i am also quite disappointed

spaghetti: i thought i was your one and only :”((

trashmouth: woah woah woah hold on babes you got me all wrong

spaghetti: do we really, richard?

Benny: I feel so betrayed…

spaghetti: wait

trashmouth: oh boy

spaghetti: ben 

spaghetti: its all ben

spaghetti: how DARE you steal my richard from me?!!?

Benny: YOUR richard???

Benny: He was MINE before you were even a part of his life??

spaghetti: we’ve been friends since childhood, soulmates since birth 😔

Big Bill: are they rlly fighting over richie right now??

Farmboy: I don’t blame them,, hes a hot piece of man meat ;)

Big Bill: oh my god

Stanley: I still don’t appreciate any of this. 

trashmouth: i am going to pass out

trashmouth: this is the happiest ive been since eddie made his name on my phone “eds”

spaghetti: that was a mistaKE

trashmouth: i mean, so was i 

trashmouth: but i dont see you getting worked up abt it

spaghetti: well 

spaghetti: wait

spaghetti: what

Stanley: The fuck, Richard?

january embers: howdy y'all

trashmouth: bevvy, my one, my only love

Farmboy: Ouch

Benny: ouch

spaghetti: ouch

january embers: uh yeah ouch

trashmouth: boys, girls, cuties of all shapes and sizes,

trashmouth: theres enough smexy tozier here to go around ;) *body roll* 

Stanley: Woah.

Stanley: Did you see that?

trashmouth: see what???

Stanley: The disgust that just came crashing into me like a tidal wave after a tsunami.

Stanley: I’m putting myself up for adoption.

Benny: Stanley no pls

Benny: Dont leave me?? Pleaseee

Stanley: ...

Stanley: Yeah, okay.

Benny: Ncie

trashmouth: i lvoe you, stanley my boy

Stanley: You are this close to getting your parent card removed.

trashmouth: bicth

spaghetti: this is a good soap opera tbh

trashmouth: gtg brb

trashmouth: eds youre comin with me

spaghetti: wait no

trashmouth: wait yes get your ass out here

spaghetti: WHY ARE YOU IN MY BACKYARD

trashmouth: GET OUT HERE BICHTH

trashmouth: bye peeps B)

Big Bill: …

january embers: …

january embers: suddenly the richster is gone

Stanley: Richster?

january embers: you're staniel, he's the richster

Big Bill: mmkay

Farmboy: Wait bev don't you have classes right now?

january embers: yeth

Farmboy: Shouldn’t you be paying attention?

january embers: yeth

Farmboy: ...And not be on your phone??

january embers: yessir

Benny: Pls dont fail bev

Benny: I believe in you >:))

Big Bill: ok cute

Stanley: Ben, do you ever realize how unreasonably nice you are?

Benny: I-

january embers: this is why youre my favorite <33

Benny: bdjdssksldksksjd

Big Bill: anyway guys 

Big Bill: georgie got braces so we’re having ice cream later, wanna come??

Stanley: I can come over. :)

Big Bill: nice :D

january embers: hA

january embers: hAHa

january embers: metalmouth

january embers: braceface

january embers: terminator teeth

january embers: hell yeah i want flippin ice cream

Big Bill: dude stop you are such a bully

Stanley: LOL.

january embers: stan im sorry but i hate when you use lol or lmao or anything 

Stanley: LMAO, SMH.

Big Bill: jesus christ dude

Benny: How is georgie feeling?? Braces hurt like a punch to the face.. also I would love to come :))

Big Bill: hes says it hurts like a bitch but hes fine :)

Stanley: LOL.

Stanley: Hey, Where’s Mikey?

january embers: up ur ass

Stanley: I wouldn’t mind him doing that.

january embers: fukin w h a t

Stanley: Where’s Mike?

Big Bill: uhhhhhhhhhh

Big Bill: idk

Benny: He vanished ig

january embers: is no one gonna talk abt stans apparent love for anal????

Farmboy: Hey guys, yeah uh so

trashmouth: hehehhehe

spaghetti: hehehehehe

Benny: Oh noes

january embers: w t f

Stanley: I’m worried

Farmboy: Eddie and rich ran at me screaming “v team” while recording and im slightly worried but i joined in

trashmouth: heheheheee

spaghetti: mweheheheh

Big Bill: im unreasonably concerned.

january embers: same,,,,, i just learned smth abt stan and im e x t r e m e l y concerned

Benny: What is V Team???

trashmouth: >:3

spaghetti: ;D

january embers: whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat

Farmboy: I have no clue just go with it

january embers: I NEED ANSWERS STANLEY

(trashmouth sent a video.)

Big Bill: the fook

Benny: But why did i laugh

Stanley: IKR. 

trashmouth: staniel stop youre not cool

Stanley: Ouch, dad.

trashmouth: *daddy

Stanley: You are REALLY pushing it.

trashmouth: ;)


	7. Meet Mike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see ;)
> 
> In all seriousness I’ve taking a break from writing reddie fics and I’m back with that good kush
> 
> I can’t really see what the future is like for my twins fic. I might keep updating it idk. I’ve been seriously burnt out in the reddie category and I deeply apologize :”)
> 
> I’m rlly into Zoey’s extraordinary playlist Rn tho so check out my fics for that :))

trashmouth: my guyssssssssss

Big Bill: richie thank god you're the first one here :)

Big Bill: i have something exciting to tell you :))

trashmouth: oh bless my poor heart bill is happy to see me :”)

Big Bill: yes trashmouth believe what you want

Big Bill: remember mike? the guy georgie talked about that one time?

trashmouth: yes of course my dear billiam

trashmouth: with holly and nala????

Big Bill: her name’s nancy, not nala

Big Bill: anyways

Big Bill: you and mike are actually doppelgängers or smth

Big Bill: not our farmboy

Big Bill: we’ve been hanging out and he looks exactly like you rich

(Big Bill sent an image)

trashmouth: holy shit he does look like me

trashmouth: he's handsome as hell ;)))

spaghetti: oh shit are there two trashmouths now??

spaghetti: god help me I can’t deal with another

trashmouth: aw eds i knew you loved me ;)))

Big Bill: actually he’s a normal ficking human being

Stanley: He really is Richie, appearance-wise.

trashmouth: is he taken ;)) 

Big Bill: actually yes he has a boyfriend named will

january embers: what are the odds that somebody else could be as ugly as our trashmouth <3

trashmouth: bevvy you flatter me

january embers: hes actually slightly better looking than our gremlin

trashmouth: *gremlin noises*

spaghetti: you really do look like one though 🤔

trashmouth: r00d

Big Bill: I’ll add him to the gc

Benny: Cool, newcomers

Big Bill added Mikey to the chat

Mikey: Hey.

Benny: Hi ^ .^

january embers: sup

trashmouth: t w i n

spaghetti: oh lord save me

Mikey: I heard I had a “gremlin twin”?

Stanley: Oh my god. He uses proper grammar and punctuation.

Stanley: Bill, hold me, I think I’m in love.

Mikey: Nobody uses proper grammar anymore!

Mikey: They’re illiterate!

Mikey: Also, sorry, babe.

Mikey: I’m taken. ;) 

Stanley: Damn. 

trashmouth: hey!!!!

trashmouth: im!!! the alpha twin!!!

Mikey: I’m obviously better, dude. 

Mike: You don’t capitalize.

trashmouth: g a s p

trashmouth: do you want to get punished???

Mikey: You can’t punish me, dude. 

Mikey: I bet I could take you.

trashmouth: anybody who types like a 90 year-old man craving death cant take me

trashmouth: look at stan

trashmouth: you both type like his jewish father

Stanley: Hey, fuck you.

Big Bill: mike you’re here for less than two minutes and you’re already fighting the trashmouth

Mikey: He assumed the role of the alpha twin!

Mikey: I can’t stand that type of BS.

Mikey: Hey, can I add Will?

Big Bill: go for it

Mikey added Will

Will: hey hey

Benny: Oh shoot, more people

january embers: what the hell did i miss

Will: who are these people

Will: i kinda know big bill

trashmouth: im your bf’s twin ;)

Will: oh yea?

Will: prove it.

(trashmouth sent an image)

trashmouth: richie tozier, in the flesh ;)

Will: thats not you, thats bill hader haha

trashmouth: wow i just cant fool ya ;)

Will: lolol 

spaghetti: richie just take a selfie

trashmouth: no need to be so desperate eds ;)

january embers: how many times has the wink ;) been used in this gc???

Mikey: Too many times, obviously. ;)

(trashmouth sent an image)

trashmouth: it me ;)

Mikey: Shoot.

Will: mike its you but in sad stoner hippie form

Big Bill: its just a sad, unhinged and housebroken mike

Mikey: Oh my god, I am in love with you, William.

trashmouth: which william

spaghetti: there has never been a stupider question in the world

january embers: will thank you for that description it is absolutely perfect

january embers: you too billy

Will: just like me ;)

january embers: me likey this guy, he funny

Will: amen to that, my gal

january embers: hows about to seeing you around sometime willis?

Will: anythin for you darlin

january embers: seeyall at the pub, amiright

Will: ill see you

Will: we’ll drink like de pirate

january embers: ^ .^

Will: ^. ^

trashmouth: psssst

trashmouth: what are they saying

spaghetti: i have no clue

Mikey: Will’s always had a funky sense of humor.

Stanley: Apparently, Bev does too.

trashmouth: shut up stan your sense of humor is h ow d y

Stanley: I will kill your mother, don’t test me.

trashmouth: ill just fuck yours then

Stan: Beep beep, Rich.

Benny: So what the heck is happening?

Will: hello

Benny: Oh hi ^ .^

Mikey: Oh, is he the cinnamon roll?

trashmouth: he absolutely is

Benny: Bet

Benny: I’m very able to harm people

Benny: I just don’t because I actually have morals

Benny: unlike some children >:)

trashmouth: i was absolutely not ready for this side of ben 

january embers: i dont think anybody was

Benny: I’m a spicy boy and you don't even know it >:)

Mikey: “Spicy boy”

trashmouth: holy shit

january embers: ben you are oh so very spicy

january embers: also where you been??

Benny: I was nomming some goldfish 

Farmboy: Nom

trashmouth: n o m

Big Bill: how can ben be spicy when he says “nom”

Big Bill: mike! hey!

Farmboy: Hey

Mikey: What?

Farmboy: Who?

Mikey: Hello there.

Farmboy: Howdy

Stanley: What the fuck.

trashmouth: mike just used staniels trigger word

Mikey: I did?

Farmboy: Im sorry 

trashmouth: shoot no like

trashmouth: farmboy mike

trashmouth: sheriff mikey

trashmouth: the wrangler 

trashmouth: the most rootin’ tootin’ cowboy in the whole west

trashmouth: the most wholesome man with steed stronger than iron

trashmouth: yeehaw 🤠 

Farmboy: Oh my god :”D

Mikey: What the hell.

spaghetti: the ficking cowboy emoji 

Will: richie you’re hilarious lolol

Will: you should be a comedian or smth

Benny: :o

spaghetti: i-

january embers: wow 

Big Bill: ohmygod

Will: ???

trashmouth: djnfjffjic

Stanley: But he’s not funny???

trashmouth: ouch

spaghetti: he’s a trashmouth??????

trashmouth: oUCH

Will: he seems pretty funny to me :))

trashmouth: :)))))

january embers: maybe richie actually does have a future

spaghetti: literally fake news

spaghetti: he managed to get into college for drama or some shit but that doesnt mean hes funny

trashmouth: spaghet why do you hate me :”(

trashmouth: i love you so much eddie darling

trashmouth: you cant hurt me like this

spaghetti: uhh

Big Bill: okay moVING ON

Big Bill: stanford are you alive

Stanley: Barely. 

Mikey: Oh boy.

trashmouth: i stg not-farmboy-mike

Mikey: What?

trashmouth: use lol or lmao or smth

Mikey: LOL.

january embers:eweweweweewewwwwwww ew

Stan: Oh my.

trashmouth: grossss 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Honestly idk what this is
> 
> Tell me what you think!! :)


End file.
